Today on
Kelly's Korner she and four other bloggers are getting together and talking about Remembering You (taking care of yourself and keeping your identity).
As a new mom and a young wife it is easy to lose yourself in the new "we-ness".
When I first got married it became an instant "we".
We are having people over for dinner,
we are playing softball,
we are going kayaking. Want to join
us?
As a new mom, it became an instant "Elizabeth".
Elizabeth sleeps through the night,
Elizabeth can roll over,
Elizabeth is crawling!
And my new favorite;
our family would like to invite your family over for dinner,
our family is going on vacation,
our family is thinking about going to the zoo.
BUT... before I was a "we" or had an Elizabeth and became "our family" I was a me.
So. How do I stay me while enjoying the we? One word:
Effort.
I put in the effort to still be me and enjoy things that I enjoyed before becoming a wife and a mom. It's not always easy and doesn't always happen as often as I would like.
It's not big things. It's the small things that keep me
me.
I LOVE getting my hair braided.
I LOVE getting pedicures.
I LOVE some Chick-Fil-A
But in all seriousness...
It is a struggle.
Especially after Elizabeth was born. I started working out a few months after she was born and I was struggling with not spending time with her because I was going to the gym. Our routine was I would pick her up after work and we would go to the gym. She would play in the gym daycare while I worked out for an hour. After a few weeks I was telling my co-workers that I was feeling guilty about not spending that time with Elizabeth. Then my coworker, Sonia, offered a wonderfully refreshing perspective. She told me to look at it from the perspective of the example I was setting for Elizabeth. That I was taking care of myself. That I value good health and that that was a wonderful example to set for a child.
After that discussion I felt a lot less guilty (not totally guilt free, but it helped).
Some other things I try to do:
I try to do a girl's night once a month.
I try to schedule a date night once a month.
I try to work-out four days a week.
I try to entertain at home, so I am still social, but on Elizabeth's schedule
I also walk with my neighbors when it's warm and we push our kids in their strollers. Now we walk about 1mph but it's an outlet. A wonderfully, simple outlet that allows me to spend time with Elizabeth, be social, and vent (if I need to).
I have also started some new interests/hobbies since becoming a wife and a mom. I have started blogging, running, and cooking. All of these things are new outlets for my creativity and incorporate the new me. It's okay not to be the same me I was before being a wife or a mom. In fact I 100% believe that being a wife and mom make me a better me.
It's important not to lose your identity, but it's equally important to recognize that your identity will change. So, I'm still me, but not the me I was 5 years ago. And that, is great with me.