I was me, before we were we

Today on Kelly's Korner she and four other bloggers are getting together and talking about Remembering You (taking care of yourself and keeping your identity).

As a new mom and a young wife it is easy to lose yourself in the new "we-ness".

When I first got married it became an instant "we".  We are having people over for dinner, we are playing softball, we are going kayaking.  Want to join us?

As a new mom, it became an instant "Elizabeth".  Elizabeth sleeps through the night, Elizabeth can roll over, Elizabeth is crawling!

And my new favorite; our family would like to invite your family over for dinner, our family is going on vacation, our family is thinking about going to the zoo.

BUT... before I was a "we" or had an Elizabeth and became "our family" I was a me.

So.  How do I stay me while enjoying the we?  One word: Effort.

I put in the effort to still be me and enjoy things that I enjoyed before becoming a wife and a mom.  It's not always easy and doesn't always happen as often as I would like.

It's not big things.  It's the small things that keep me me.

I LOVE getting my hair braided. 

I LOVE getting pedicures. 

I LOVE some Chick-Fil-A

But in all seriousness...

It is a struggle.  

Especially after Elizabeth was born.  I started working out a few months after she was born and I was struggling with not spending time with her because I was going to the gym.  Our routine was I would pick her up after work and we would go to the gym.  She would play in the gym daycare while I worked out for an hour.  After a few weeks I was telling my co-workers that I was feeling guilty about not spending that time with Elizabeth.  Then my coworker, Sonia, offered a wonderfully refreshing perspective.  She told me to look at it from the perspective of the example I was setting for Elizabeth.  That I was taking care of myself.  That I value good health and that that was a wonderful example to set for a child.

After that discussion I felt a lot less guilty (not totally guilt free, but it helped).

Some other things I try to do:

I try to do a girl's night once a month.  

I try to schedule a date night once a month.  

I try to work-out four days a week.

I try to entertain at home, so I am still social, but on Elizabeth's schedule

I also walk with my neighbors when it's warm and we push our kids in their strollers.  Now we walk about 1mph but it's an outlet.  A wonderfully, simple outlet that allows me to spend time with Elizabeth, be social, and vent (if I need to).

I have also started some new interests/hobbies since becoming a wife and a mom.  I have started blogging, running, and cooking.  All of these things are new outlets for my creativity and incorporate the new me.  It's okay not to be the same me I was before being a wife or a mom.  In fact I 100% believe that being a wife and mom make me a better me.

It's important not to lose your identity, but it's equally important to recognize that your identity will change.  So, I'm still me, but not the me I was 5 years ago.  And that, is great with me.